is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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