When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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