I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize