ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sober January is a disaster.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
