ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
