I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize