i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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