Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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