$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
