It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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