dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
