I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
