Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
