John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
