apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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