She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
