someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
