It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
where am i from again
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
