Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
