she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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