4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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