i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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