Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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