Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize