pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
