You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
too bad you live with your parents still
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
