Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
