U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
