her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
