4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
