omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
