I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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