you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize