I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yo dont text me then not text me
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
