I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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