don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
