seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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