We're facebook friends in real life
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
