Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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