Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
