That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
