I want to walk on stilts...naked
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
