I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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