Got a toothbrush?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
