Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My ass is underappreciated
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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