We won't sleep together?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
