I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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