using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I had to cum in my sink.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize