Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
