You work out of a Hotel?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
