so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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