I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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