I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
