Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
