woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
