hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
