He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
