I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
