Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
