i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
