i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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