imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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