actually, I'm a sock model
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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