just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i dont even know how to be here
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize