walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
