Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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