I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
