I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
