he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
