I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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